Shima's Blog

Jangan bersedih.. tapi redhalah.. these are the words of advice people keep telling me today.. I am redha.. but it will take me some time to process that information

This Morning

This morning my mum called telling me my grandmother (paternal side) passed away. I couldn't believe my ears. It was just last week we went back to Kelantan to see her. She was bedridden due to minor stroke, she looked so small and petite.. I couldn't stand to look at her that way..

She was asleep when I came.. but when I got nearer she woke up, quickly reaching her other hand to me, calling my name.. well she tried too.. she couldn't speak properly after the stroke. Her eyes full of tears, miming to me "you came to see me Ima? I missed you..." I understood and nodded. She slowly pulled my hand near her cheek and cried.. The she said "Tok ma dah tak lama, Tok Ma minta maaf"... I told her that I am her granddaughter, no need to apologize for anything, "you'll be fine Tok Ma, don't talk nonsense".. I gave her some water and massaged her feet.. "You just need to move bit by bit and you'll be fine".. She looked at me and my mom without saying anything.. trying to smile..

We visited her for two days (Sat & Sun) and we had to leave Kelantan before Monday starts. She didn't want us to go, afraid that she'll never see us again.. My mum assured her that she'll be fine and that we'll hire someone who can help take care and massage her. She signalled me for a hug and I hugged her. I told her not to worry Papa will visit her again next Saturday. She said that I'm the only granddaughter that she has.. "I know Tok Ma, I love you too.."

No more tomorrow

That was a week before... today she's not here anymore.. I just can't grasp that.. I keep thinking what went wrong? She was fine, the stroke didn't look as serious... I feel so useless that I can't do much for her..

Redha

The only thing I can do is sedekah the verses of the Qur'an for her. May Allah bless and pardon her.. I miss you Tok Ma... thank you for loving me and praying for me all this while.. I thank Allah for blessing me with the ni'mat of such wonderful people in my life...