Shima's Blog

If there's one thing I can't let go, it's jealousy.

This heart-wrenching feeling is something that I'm afraid to admit. Something that I'm ashamed of exposing.

So now, I'll just be the childish me, mulling over all the ridiculous things that allowed me to drown in jealousy.

*cracks knuckles* Let's start:

I'm jealous to those who knows that they're right on track, who's succesful and happy.
I'm jealous of pretty girls, with symmetrical faces, fair skin, perfect body who poses perfectly in front of the camera no matter which way they turn
I'm jealous of the outspoken lady who is not afraid to be loud and high-pitched without even bothered whether anyone is annoyed with them.
I'm jealous of some people who can just shoot out anything that they wanna say.
I'm jealous of petite girls, who can wear whatever they want, look as young forever and people seem to adore them coz of their cuteness.
I'm jealous of people who doesn't care about common sense, or whether they are shallow about an issue - the kind that always say "ye ke? apa-apa je la eh?"
I'm jealous of couples who are not 'malu' to make a statement that they're a couple.
I'm jealous of girls who camwhore sexily (I do, seriously :P)
I'm jealous of people who smiles and laughs openly
I'm jealous of people with perfect family
I'm jealous of people who gets everything without even trying.

There! I think that sums it up.. Immature, I know =.=

But jealousy is a sneaky thing. It'll cripple my self-esteem, make me drown in my overwhelming grief -- a pot-stirrer who pokes at my ego reminding me of the things that I don't have, the experiences that I don't have, the life that I wished I'd had.. well basically everything that makes me feel 'less than'.

I'll spent most of my time wallowing in comparisons, staring longingly at pictures of beautiful people, watching most girls spending their parent's money or PTPTN money on the things they like, clothes or a vacation, and picturing myself in the beautiful homes that others had the ability to purchase.

Jealousy keeps me rooted firmly to a place -- a place of thoughts filled with 'if only'.